Just 4 weeks away

Well, it dawned on me today that at this time in 4 short weeks, we will be holding little Miss Nameless. Its hard to believe that we are this close...my how the time has flown by. I'm feeling it...Logan's feeling it...really I think that everyone around me is feeling it and wondering if I'll ever have this baby and hopefully calm myself down again!

I can't say that I'm 100% excited--I actually debated whether I should post at all for fear that little one will one day be reading this and thinking...thanks a lot, Mom! I am excited to meet her, I am excited to see her little face and to hold her little body. I'm excited to see Jarrod with her as he is the greatest father and I can't wait to be touched by all of those precious moments that they will have together. I can't wait to see Logan with her, but I fear so much that she will rock his little world so much that it will be too much for him to handle...and thus too much for me to handle. I think that the fears of raising a daughter are so completely different than the fears of raising a son. I felt and still feel SUCH a sense of resounding responsibility for making Logan into a "man." Raising him to above all love God, to be loyal, to be courageous, to be a leader, to be gentle when necessary but to still stand up for his beliefs...raising him to be a wonderful husband and a loving father. I think I'm at a loss about raising a girl. I know that above all I want her to love God. I want her to be strong, but submissive. I want her to know what it is like to have people in her life that love her, but I want it to be okay for her when everyone around doesn't. I don't really know how to teach that and its so hard for us girls when we aren't surrounded by people who love us. I know that I will have to be more careful than ever with my every move and that she will look to me as the example of a christian woman, a mother, a wife, a friend. I think that the level of responsibility is the same, but its still so different of a task laid before me. It scares me to death...and yet, I feel so honored that God is giving me the opportunity to help mold this little life into His image.

Bravery??

I think that days like today are what make mothering difficult. All of those things that I want Logan to be sometimes make me feel like a failure as a mother. Logan is the "safety" child. He wants to do everything, but his little heart gets so "scared" when he tries. I don't understand it and frankly right now I don't have a lot of patience for it. A few weeks ago we met some friends at a waterpark and Logan just freaked out about part of it. He refused to even go down the smallest baby slides for fear of water dumping on his head. He didn't even want the water spraying him at all. (yes, this child does play in the sprinkler at home...go figure...) I lost my patience and the day was difficult to say the least--but we trudged through it and he is asking to go back (Daddy's turn next, which will be fine because its a lot easier to be brave with Daddy for some reason.)

Today, we went to "Pump it Up" of all places and he spent twenty minutes crying his little eyes out about going down a small slide (he was stuck in a part that the only way out--down the slide). Now mind you, he has gone down slides like this before with no problems. He's shown no fear of "bounce houses" in the past, but this summer seems to be making him digress. I sit and think, how in the world can I teach him to be brave...especially at 35 weeks pregnant, with no patience and no ability to just climb in and talk him through it. I think that I'm about to chunk that lesson out the window at least until I'm recouperated enough to do it right...

33 Weeks-Doctor's Report

Well, I went to the doctor on Wednesday and we are healthy and strong! I didn't gain any weight this time, so I'm at 17 pounds and holding...yay me...hopefully I'll stick to the 1 lb. a week for the next six weeks and not start swelling too badly. Baby girl's heartbeat is at 142, which is a little lower than Logan's was at 146, but of course still healthy. I do have carpal tunnel in my right hand, so I am having to wear a brace for that. Hopefully it will go away once little bit arrives. My c-section is scheduled for August 21st at 9:30 a.m. I am getting a little more anxious by the day, so please keep us in your prayers...more than anything Jarrod and I both just need a sense of peace after our last experience.

We're still stuck on a name, but we are resorting to drawing out of a hat...haha! So far, we've all picked Emma more times than anything...but I can't make a decision based on the "hat draw." I mean seriously, how do you tell your child that you decided on her name by drawing it the most times out of a hat???

My aunt was supposed to be here last night with the bedding, but my precious niece decided that she wanted to get baptized this weekend, so my family is all headed to Memphis to share in the occasion, sans the Dyer's. We're so sad to have to miss it, but its an 8 hour trip and just too far for a 3 day trip this close to delivery. We're so proud of her and the awesome decision she's made!!

So, instead of being with our family, we will be here painting the nursery...finally. My lovely aunt did overnight the fabric samples to us so that we can get the paint and get the painting done before she and the bedding get here next week. Maybe then my racing, panicking mind will be a little more at ease. I'll post pictures once we get everything moved in and situated!!

The Bloody Nose

Well, last night it finally happened...you always know that it will in the life of a little boy, but it didn't make it any easier. Logan was playing hide and seek with Daddy and Gammie and he was running full speed when he tripped over his stool in his room, tripped again and ran head first into the side rail of his bed. It was awful...he cried for all of 2 minutes, but he lifted his little face from Jarrod's shoulder and blood started running down his little nose! I thought that it would make him panic, but he was just fine albeit a little dazed. I never realized what seeing the blood of your child would do to you as a mother...no nausea, no panic, just a cool, composed split second devastation of seeing that he truly is hurt, but knowing if you lose it he'll be a complete goner!

4th of July Celebration

I love the 4th of July. Its such a wonderful reminder of the freedom that we have and the sacrifices that have been made for that freedom. I love celebrating that freedom with those I love the most and with friends that we don't get to celebrate on other "holidays". This year, we made the most out of being close to home and celebrated Thursday, Friday and Saturday. On Thursday was Midlothian's annual celebration. We went with our friends Karen and Edmund and ate some great food, watched Logan jump in the jump houses and then saw a great fireworks show. Logan was less than thrilled with the fireworks, but he wasn't really sure why he didn't like them. He started holding his ears about 2 hours before the fireworks actually went off. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera.

Then on Friday Mark, Tara, Hannah and Drew came down and we had a day of good food, Settlers' of Catan, and playing in the sprinkler with water guns and water balloons! It was wonderful and the kids got along so well! Then on Saturday, we loaded up the cars early and headed to Granbury for the parade. It was great and the kids had a lot of fun! Then we swam the afternoon away and the McClure's ended up leaving around 9pm. It was a fun, festive weekend!

The Month of June

The month of June was extremely busy. I'm not sure that we were home until the last weekend, and even then we were busy. It was the last month of "travel" for us, so we tried to squeeze in as much as possible. We started off the month with a visit from my sweet sister and her two kiddos (see previous post.) Then we went on our annual houseboat trip with a group of our college friends. This year marked our 7th trip. It was the first year that the McClure's had to miss, but I don't know that we've had the entire group together every year since the first few...there seems to always be a new baby coming, or something happening at work etc. We missed the McClure's but somehow managed to have a good time anyway! Vic, Colleen, Amy, Porter, Matt, Laurie, Kimberly, Kyle, Sarah and Jarrod
We have always played 42 the entire weekend, but this year we were too addicted to Settlers!

The next weekend marked the second annual family camp with Woodland Oaks. One of my good friends has been going to her church's family camp for as long as she can remember and she brought the idea to WOCC last year. She and the other two couples who put it together did a fabulous job and they are gracious enough to invite us even though we moved away before they put it all together last year. It was a great weekend of renewing and rekindling friendships and it was a joy to watch Logan "rediscover" some of the friends that he's had since he was born.

Jarrod and Logan getting ready for the all camp kickball game! This is a highlight for Logan's competitive "sport" spirit and he manages to do pretty well!
In the "outfield"
Too bad I didn't capture the ball when he kicked it!

Taylor "calling Daddy" during the game to report

Trey cheering on the teams with Uncle Craig!

Logan with Laurie at the campfire devo Matt was speaking at--he did a great job!

The final weekend in June marked the "goodbye party" for our good friend Marissa. She is going on an 18-month work assignment to....Australia!!!! Some friends came into town and we all went to Simply Fondue for a 4 hour dinner. It was fabulous, but mostly it was wonderful to get to see everyone and talk about all of the "big" plans Marissa has for Australia. She is going to have an amazing time and I know that God will bless her richly through the trip. Unfortunately, I didn't get a single picture!