Change

I have to be the first to admit...I HATE change. I resist it at every turn, I flee from the idea of it and I buck with all of my might against it. It doesn't really matter if that change is good or necessary, I still don't enjoy any part of the process. Lately it seems like nothing in my life is very stable (okay, with the obvious exception of my marriage...don't go worrying about that...) We went to my parents on Thursday night for a few reasons--1. so that the kids would have one more night at their house 2. so that Logan could see them actually packing up and moving and 3. on some level so that I could see them moving. To say that I'm not happy with this move is so much of an understatement. I have had to tell myself and Jarrod has had to tell me over and over again that this move has nothing to do with me, with us or with my kids...because OBVIOUSLY it doesn't, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. The fact that we could see them whenever we wanted to and often did see them is forever going to change. The fact that my kids love them beyond words and love to just be with them is probably one thing that is not going to change, but the relationship and amount of time that they spend together will inevitably change. That's not an easy thing for me to swallow. I think that a lot of that has to do with my grandparents moving when I was a little girl from the house down the street from ours to a place that was several hours away. That relationship inevitably changed and was so much less than it was before they were gone. I pray that God will somehow protect that special bond that my kids have with my parents.

Now, in the midst of this change, we are having to change how we do our small group. We have an awesome small group and a group that I, especially, draw a lot of strength from. But...because of life and good times and good things....we need to form two groups out of our growing one. Jarrod and I have been through pretty extensive training in "small groups" and small group theory and logically, I know it is time. It is a great problem to have, of course, but it doesn't make me like it. I hate it. I wish that you could accomplish the same intimacy with a large group, but you obviously just can't. Obviously, the friendships won't change and we'll still be together at other times, but its still a change of my "support" group if you will. Again, I know and pray that God has great plans in this...but I still don't like it and I especially don't like the timing of it. I like to cacoon myself and my family for the year after I have a baby...looks like God has other plans in store and like them or not...I'm having to roll with them.